May 07, 2014

Pre-nuptial inquiry - an excerpt

Wow! Let's not pretend like I actually feel horrible about not blogging for the past half year (and more). I do feel bad, but really, time has been miraculously consumed doing productive work and some not too productive work. Like usual. 

 So, what got me to pop in and sit at my desk, when I should probably be taking a shower to make it on time for the next appointment? 

 Emman and I went to Fr Kenny for our pre-nuptial inquiry last night. Somehow, inevitably, we talked a little on how Emman must not be a Mummy's boy after marriage (because we all know he's not just Mummy's boy, but Mummy's Golden Boy, as of now). Fr Kenny gave an example, which might sound cliche, but it sort of paints the whole logic very well. At least, to me, it made perfect sense, not just from a self-invested point of view but from a logical point of view. 

 The story goes... there were 3 persons in a boat and the three were Emman, Jancy and Emman's MIL (my mum). The boat capsized and Emman was the only strong swimmer among the three. Of course, there was only one life vest (because we were stupid enough to bring just one when there were three of us out boating). 

 Question: Who would you (Emman) save by giving the life vest to - Jancy or her mum? 
Answer: Jancy. (Yay! Score 1! Sorry Mum!)

 Question: Now, how about between Jancy and your mum?
Answer: ... (about 5secs of consideration and struggle) Jan..cy... (Yay! Score 1! Sorry prospective MIL.. though it was obviously and understandably more of a struggle.)

 Question: Now, between your cute 2-yr old child and Jancy? 
Answer: ... This is a moral question, right? (evading question... doesn't look good... haha)
Fr Kenny: It's not a moral question. The answer is, Jancy. Yes, you have to look on as your young child dies but you have to save Jancy. 

 Here is the reasoning... It's very simple. You made a vow, it says 'in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health'. You didn't make that vow with your mother, you didn't even make that vow with your child. You made that vow with Jancy, your spouse. So, she is the one you will honour that vow with. You didn't marry your mother, not your child. You married Jancy. That is how serious and how honourable marriage is; that is how strong the sacrament is. 

 That's a mini homily, I guess. But, truthfully, a powerful one. Maybe because it invokes some kind of moral dilemma in choosing between your own child and your spouse. So, it etched into my mind strongly. And, in some ways, I was touched. 

 We all know marriage vows. We all know marriage is to be for life, a lifelong commitment. But really, what does it mean? Up till yesterday, I admit that the whole idea sounds hazy to me, especially since I'm not someone who sees very much into the future, nor one who grasps distant images. But that little illustration made me realize the extent, the solemnity, the (for lack of a better word) seriousness of this decision, and what it really meant when we exchange our vows in November. Think about this, you have to watch your own parents and your own child die before your eyes and yet, you are obliged to only save your spouse. No 'but's, no two ways about it. Because this is what you promised each other, because you made that promise in the presence of all the people who love both of you and whom the two of you love. For believers, most importantly, you made that promise to each other in the presence of God and asked for the blessing of God on that condition. 

 It's insightful... and touching. 

 I hope to remember this little excerpt amid all the possible chaos on the day, as we exchange our vows and our rings. 

Posted by 杏 cy （Jancy） at 17:50